Why I had to quit breastfeeding

As I am writing this I am in tears. I’ve always been the type of mom that has taken pride in breastfeeding.  I felt that if I can breastfeed a baby there is nothing in this world I can’t do, no mountain I couldn’t climb, nothing I couldn’t conquer. I am Wonder Women, I can do It all. But on a routine checkup Wonder Women was defeated. My doctor told me for the sake of my health that I must stop breastfeeding. Never in my life have I ever heard any words that has hurt me so deeply. I found out that I’m currently going through renal failure and to save my life I must be put on medication that is not compatible with breastfeeding. I want my son to have the best start because everyone knows breast is best, but to know that while I am feeding him and giving him life  I am slowly killing myself. This is agonizing. I’ve known for months that this was coming but I was optimistic that everything would get better, but I guess I wasn’t ready to face the truth. To all the women out there that are breastfeeding, enjoy every single moment of it because you never know when it will be taken away from you. I’m going to miss that intimate bond my son and I have. I’m going to miss the days when  I would lie down to feed him and he looks at me and he would give me the biggest smile and that’s my touch me to the depth of my soul, but I know for me to even be in his life and to continue to see them grow and thrive as kids and hopefully an adult, I must stop breastfeeding him.  I feel that I am cheating him out of the best start in life. As though I’m not giving him everything he deserves as a baby. But deep down I know that I gave him all I could when it comes to breastfeeding for 6 months. I will forever feel like I have failed my baby boy but I know for the sake of my family I did what was best for my son and my other 3 kids. 

“There has never been, nor will there ever be, anything quite so special as the love between the mother and a son.”-unknown

Breastfeeders Unite

To all the mothers with big, sore, leaky boobs, who’s fashion revolves around if your breast is  accessible…. I feel your pain! To the women who wants to lose weight but don’t want to sacrifice their milk supply I feel you.  To the women that breastfeed for more than one year, to the women that never gave up when they came home from the hospital because  we all know the first few weeks of breastfeeding is the hardest,  I thank you for not giving up. To the women that work 40+ hours a week and  has to pump at work  in the bathroom, I commend you.  To the women who wants a nice supportive bra that’s also a little sexy but don’t want to ruin it when your breast starts to leak…oh boy do I get you. To the women that never gave up even though it’s hard, I understand you! To the women that breastfeed in public without covering up and not feeling an ounce of shame or care how Society may feel, I commend you and I’m with you. No matter what people say or how they may feel, the needs of your baby comes first. When you decide to breastfeed you put all your needs, all your wants and your pride to the side to make sure your baby is taken care of. Society will never truly understand the love and care that goes into breastfeeding your baby. All the backlash you receive when you do breastfeed your baby in public will be enormous. No matter what don’t let the ignorance of society dictate whats best for your baby. I am a breastfeeding mama and I will always support and advocate for any woman to be one!

 

“While breastfeeding may not seem the right choice for every parent,it is the best choice for every baby.”-Amy Spangler

If I had a chance to meet my younger self.

Dear Valerie,

I know you are young and there is so much in the world that you can’t even begin to understand. You will experience death, love, hurt, confusion, and would be so lost when it comes to life. Your childhood will be a great one.You will get more than you could ever ask for, but deep down you knew that not having a father in your life will make you feel less than your friends that have the “perfect”family.  But because of this you would understand the importance of a man being a father and would never deny your kids a relationship with their father. You will not understand the value of your mind and body and your self-worth until you are well into your late 20s. You will have a baby out-of-wedlock at 21 and will feel that you must get married because that is what you thought was right. Your marriage will produce 1 more child. This marriage is very toxic and subjected you to so much hurt and pain, but from this you will become a better person and will have so much growth from all of this. During this time you will lose your greatest influence in your life, your grandmother. This will be the hardest thing you will every have to face in your life. You went into a deep depression and didn’t know how you will make it through. In your early 30s you will finally know who you are and what you deserve and you will meet the love of your life that will be your rock, your cheerleader, and everything you every needed and deserve in your life.  He will bless you with 2 beautiful kids and will show a side a life you never knew.

Even though you didn’t get the college degree you worked so hard for and you have lost jobs, been in-car accidents, that was an act of God that you walked away from unharmed, being in relationships that was abusive mentally and physically, you will still prevail. You will still hold on to the good in you. You wont let the past dictate who you are or who you will become.  You will become a wonderful, smart, and beautiful, loving women.

“Those who improve with age embrace the power of personal growth and personal achievement and begin to replace youth with wisdom, innocence with understanding and lack of purpose with self-actualization.”-Bo Bennett

 

 

No excuses 2017

So in a few days we’ll be starting a new year! Its going to be 2017. And  most of us will be starting our New Year’s resolutions.  2017 will be a year full of countless possibilities. But let’s not forget 2016. If you were like me and countless others, 2016 really wasn’t the year you wanted it to be. You may have made resolution that would made you into the person you always knew you were meant to be.  But things may have not worked out and you might have been faced with a lot of ups and downs, some negativity in your life, or something that happen that you would have never thought would have happen to you. Let’s say one of your goals in 2016 was to lose weight. So you may have started to go to the gym and after a few weeks a you lost the drive to lose that weight and started to make excuse. There’s no room for excuses in 2017. Whatever your goal is for 2017, you need to go out and get it. So if it is your goal to lose weight, you need to write down a daily or weekly plan. You can make a vision board so each week you have a goal to accomplish. This daily or weekly goal could be for you to lose one pound a week, or to stop drinking soda, or to not drink alcohol, no fried food, or no take out. Whatever it is put it on the a vision board where you can see it everyday. Make a short-term and long-term goals. There will be no excuses in 2017. There is unlimited resource to help you with whatever goals you are trying to achieve. There is no excuses anymore, the world is full of opportunities and possibilities so go out and grab it. Don’t sit back and let your dreams pass you by.

 

“Everyday is a new beginning. Take a deep breath, smile and start again!”

 

Mom’s lets be honest

OMG the crying, the colic, the spit ups (more like a drunking frat boy on a Saturday night vomiting) the multiple diaper changes, the frequent doctor visits, the sleepless nights, the nice Victoria’s Secret bras you would never wear again in fear of ruining them from your leaky boobs, a clean house, a trip to bathroom alone, but last but not least your sanity. If anyone would have told me that in 2016 I would be the mother of a 15 month old and a newborn I would have laughed in their face because there is no way God would play such a cruel joke on me, but in August 2016 that cruel joke was my reality. I was a mother of a 15 month old and a newborn. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how I would manage. My mental, physical, and emotional being would be tested. I questioned how I could possibly give my all to a 15 month old and a newborn and not  completely lose myself in the process.  I must admit it is harder than I would have ever imagine. There are nights when I don’t get any sleep and when I wake up in the morning looking like an extra on The Walking Dead. There are days where my house is a complete mess and I have zero energy to try to begin to clean. But let’s be real, as moms we have days when we don’t want to get up and face our reality, we would rather stay in bed and cry and try to figure out how to get through this day and try to keep a little bit of our sanity and not completely lose the person we use to be. Then there are these blissful moments when I look at my babies and I know that as a mom I am doing my best and they don’t care if I look like a zombie or covered in a frat boy magnitude of puke. They will love me regardless and will forever need me. So all of the stress and anguish that I deal with every day is totally worth it.

 

My Mr. Big

Before I can even begin to blog about every aspect of my life, I have to take the time out to blog about the most influential man in my life. I have never met anyone as loving, adoring, passionate and humble as my husband. He has given me two beautiful kids (2015, 2016… yea we were busy.) He sees the potential that I have yet to see in myself and have guided me into starting my own business. Without him I don’t think I would have had the initiative to do so. We are not perfect by any means, but we are perfect for each other. But I will always love him and have a school girl crush on him like no other. So to my Mr.Big (only Sex and the city fans will get this) “Eventually all the pieaces fall into place…until then laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason.” -Carrie Bradshaw

I love you TBH