Why I had to quit breastfeeding

As I am writing this I am in tears. I’ve always been the type of mom that has taken pride in breastfeeding.  I felt that if I can breastfeed a baby there is nothing in this world I can’t do, no mountain I couldn’t climb, nothing I couldn’t conquer. I am Wonder Women, I can do It all. But on a routine checkup Wonder Women was defeated. My doctor told me for the sake of my health that I must stop breastfeeding. Never in my life have I ever heard any words that has hurt me so deeply. I found out that I’m currently going through renal failure and to save my life I must be put on medication that is not compatible with breastfeeding. I want my son to have the best start because everyone knows breast is best, but to know that while I am feeding him and giving him life  I am slowly killing myself. This is agonizing. I’ve known for months that this was coming but I was optimistic that everything would get better, but I guess I wasn’t ready to face the truth. To all the women out there that are breastfeeding, enjoy every single moment of it because you never know when it will be taken away from you. I’m going to miss that intimate bond my son and I have. I’m going to miss the days when  I would lie down to feed him and he looks at me and he would give me the biggest smile and that’s my touch me to the depth of my soul, but I know for me to even be in his life and to continue to see them grow and thrive as kids and hopefully an adult, I must stop breastfeeding him.  I feel that I am cheating him out of the best start in life. As though I’m not giving him everything he deserves as a baby. But deep down I know that I gave him all I could when it comes to breastfeeding for 6 months. I will forever feel like I have failed my baby boy but I know for the sake of my family I did what was best for my son and my other 3 kids. 

“There has never been, nor will there ever be, anything quite so special as the love between the mother and a son.”-unknown

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